5. F/X
Bryan Brown plays a man who uses a shitload of makeup to elude a bunch of scumbags. Switch "elude" to "attempt to bone" and you have a documentary about Snooki.
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| ...stunning. |
4. It
The feel good story of Pennywise, a lovable clown who finds a group of children and devotes his life to entertaining and captivating them with seltzer water and pies in the face. Simply heartwarming.
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| Kids love him! |
3. Up
The most widely beloved animated feature since the one Pixar made a year before it.
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| Close enough. |
2. Pi
Darren Aronofsky's prequel to the American Pie saga. Memorable scenes include the time Jim's parents walked in on him thrusting his junk into a supercomputer. If only we didn't have to keep suffering through the catchphrase "this one time, at stock market..."
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| Starting the American Pie franchise depressed Aronofsky so much, he directed Requiem for a Dream |
A nice reminder that American hatred of brown aliens didn't just crop up after 9/11. This film also contains the best role of Drew Barrymore's career.
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| Police in Arizona are trained to lure illegals with promise of Reese's Pieces. |
This movie is actually worse than having to go across country in an RV.
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| Yes, this is actually a movie that someone wrote, someone else read and went "sure, sounds great", and spent millions of dollars on making. And for some reason Robin Williams thought "yeah, I don't have enough money yet this sounds like something I should do." And then someone else decided to make this poster with the tagline "On a family vacation, no one can hear your scream." And then people actually went and saw it. Jesus, I wouldn't see this if I was poisoned and the recipe for the antidote was spelled out in the end credits. |
--NF
