Top Five Quotes That Don't Make You Deep, They Make You A Douche Bag, Ever

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5.  Any Bob Marley quote
Here's the thing-- I like Bob Marley.  He wrote some great songs.  Redemption Song?  Amazing.  And how is No Woman No Cry not one of the greatest songs ever penned?  But he's adored by so many people who are complete idiots that I have to scoff when people mention him, and it breaks my heart.  "Emancipate yourself from mental slavery"?  You're a middle class white male in America.  Seriously, old Bob's gotta be exhausted from rolling over in his grave so much from the self-indulgence of these morons.  And let's just get this one out of the way-- smoking weed doesn't make you Rasta;  it makes you a college student.  None of your experiences are unique or beautiful, they're the same tripe spouted by everyone who's smoked pot for the first time.

Ugh.

I'm a duh-- I'm a duuuh--  I'M A DUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHH

4.  "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift...that's why it's called the present"
Seriously?  I can't believe people have actually said this without stabbing themselves in the leg with a pen.  Today isn't a gift, just because we refer to now as the present.  They have totally different etymologies*.  And even if they didn't, today isn't a gift.  You know what I did today?  The same thing I do every day. And tell a woman in Turkey or someone in the Sudan that today is a gift and see if you can manage to keep from getting kicked in the shins.

This is why kids don't care about reading.

3.  "Good friends will bail you out of jail.  Great friends will be in there with you!"
You're a 19-year old girl majoring in communications.  You're not a gangster.  Do the world a favor and never talk again.

Remember Hot-Lindsay?  So brutal

2. "Do or do not; there is no try"
You're quoting Yoda?  Christ.  Next time just change your status to the last fortune cookie you had.

"A pleasant surprise is in store for you.  Bingxiang: refrigerator."

Not cool, bro

1.  "The things you own end up owning you"
Fun fact: 100% of people who put up this quote were wearing an Aeropostale T-shirt, and were too dumb to get the irony.

Closest I could find to a Tyler Durden photo

--NF
*probably